Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hey Cindy Emminger, ma’am, aplos from me
I'm not Stinky and there is no place to shift the toilet to
Hey Cindy Emminger, ma’am, cant’ help it
In the jingle jangle morning if the odor comes followin you
Bob Dylan's portable toilet stinks up neighbourhood
Los Angeles, Mar 19 (PTI) Folk legend and human rights champion Bob Dylan is apparently not the ideal neighbour as residents near his Malibu home have complained of the odours emanating from the singer's portable toilet.
Neighbours of the "Blowin in the Wind" singer are agitated because of the stink caused by a toilet used by his employees and security staff, reported Los Angeles Times online.
Cindy Emminger, Dylan's next door neighbour, alleged that the stench of the toilet along with the smell of chemicals used by cleaners, have made her and her eight-year-old son ill. Emminger has even hired five industrial fans to blow the disgusting odour back to Dylan's estate.
She told the newspaper, "It's a scandal - 'Mr Civil Rights' is killing our civil rights."
Monday, January 05, 2009
Lohan denies split with girlfriend Samantha Ronson
¶ London, Jan 6 (PTI) Actress Lindsay Lohan has blasted (What with? bazookas?) claims of break-up with her girlfriend DJ Samantha Ronson.
¶ The reports of an eminent (Wow! celebrityhood bestows eminence on break-ups too!) split sparked after the pair had an argument at a hotel in front of horrified (An argument between a celebrity lesbian couple isn't my idea of horrifying) guests.
¶ Lohan pleaded with newspapers and media organisations "Get your stories straight please. It's really annoying to have all of your friends emailing you saying, I saw, I read, etc ... Little piece of true information: We did not break up!" (That doesn't sound like pleading!)
¶ The pair were earlier also close to splitting after a string of rows.
¶ The 22-year-old actress was seen carrying a big bag out of their LA home after the row, their most ferocious (Interesting, but how does the reporter know?) since they started dating nine months ago.
¶ Things got off to a bad start on New Year's Eve in Miami when the girls began rowing (Oh! a nightclub with boats inside it, fancy!) in front of their relatives in Set nightclub.
¶ When Lohan stormed out of their hotel room her 31-year-old DJ girlfriend Samantha Ronson did not follow.
¶ Lohan then screamed at Ronson "When I storm off, you're supposed to follow me!"
Monday, November 10, 2008
Dada shunyo kore gelo!
...profound, sad, but true!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Mu-Barack Ho!
"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible... who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer." - Barack Obama.
President Obama, sir! I for one do not doubt any more that America is a place where all things are possible.
Americans deserve the heartiest of congratulations for not only electing an African-American, but a man whose surname is one syllable away from America's Public Enemy Number One and who shares his middle name with the country's Public Enemy Number Two.
Somehow, Obama seems to have caught the popular imagination, because everyone I spoke to today - my wife, my father, an equity analyst - everyone seemed to be happy that Obama won.
Is this because people are happy that Obama the Underdog won?
Is this because Obama has the kind of charisma that transcends borders?
Or is it because people at large have sensed that Obama is the man who can undo some of the problems the U.S. and the world at large finds itself in today?
Sunday, August 03, 2008
So the Tapur-Tupur Twins are out of KKK. (Tapur Tupur, for the edification of my non-Bong friends, is Pitter Patter in Bong, as in "pitter-patter of rain".) And they are out because both failed to do this stunt where they had to cross over from one highrise building to another suspended from a rope. While Tapur (or was it Tupur?) at least got into harness and stepped on ramp, the other one gave up without doing even that. Both claimed they have a family history of vertigo. This was a crucial stage of the competition as it was giving all those contestants who had lost out earlier a chance for a comeback. BTW, Tupur (or was it Tupur?) had earlier been chucked out because she had failed to make the cut in a stunt that involved getting into a heavily-padded suit and helmet and running from a pack of ferocious Belgian Shepherds. She had complained of claustrophobia then.
Duo Daar Gaya, Aur Ghaar Gaya
In the final analysis, what the Chatterjee sisters have successfully and emphatically proven is that Bongs, including the women, are a bunch of wimps. If that wasn't worse, they have also demonstrated how Bongs instead of just making a quiet exit (like Vidya Malwade) will try and prove a point. (By claiming to be victims of a range of phobias in this case! As if that exonerates them from not attempting stunts in a reality show that professes to bring their participants face-to-face with the very fears that they have been running away from all their lives.)
Is dono ne Bangali auraton ka naam pura hi mitti me mila diye!
I have no compunction in claiming that yes, I belong to the generation of post-Independence, post-Naxal period generation of Bong men, who would not hesitate to show a clean pair of heels if the situation so demanded. And I'm not saying this because it's fashionable now to do so after Imraan Khan's character in Jaane Tu... showed why it's best to first shoot questions... and keep on shooting them till your opponent's brain turns to jelly.
On the contrary, Bong women were the ones who were expected to juggle the shuriken and trident, beat the shit out of the Mahisasurs and basically compensate for err... for the lack of err... for want of a better word... balls... in the males of the species.
In fact, just check this out from one of my favorite columnists:
"The British... raised only one regiment from the east, the 49th Bengal, and disbanded it the moment hostilities were over. The official line on Bengalis, according to Byron Farwell's Armies of the Raj, From the Great Indian Mutiny to Independence: 1858-1947, was that 'Bengal is a low-lying country inhabited by low, lying people.' The Bengali was fit thereafter only for clerical work. Hobson-Jobson defined the Baboo as 'a superficially cultivated, but too effeminate Bengali.'
Bengali men were kept out of the catalogue of 'martial races' from where the post-Mutiny army was recruited because the Sahibs had no answers (...to the difficult questions asked by Bengali Brahmins). Such thoughts jostled sporadically through an idle mind as one walked by the roundabout intersecting the two busiest streets of London, Oxford and Regent. There was a reason.
Huge double-deckers glowered at the massed crowd of pedestrians who dared to interfere with the command of the jungle; the buses seemed to get more hostile as the lights changed while we were still midway on the zebra crossing. Next to me a Bengali father, hunched over a pram, his back sloping 45 degrees forward, his face tense with anxiety, muttered to his wife to hurry. She was young and pretty and walked many inches taller than her slouched husband. The new-mother heaviness around the hips brought an extra insouciance to her measured gait. She gave her husband one withering sideways glance as the double-decker purred angrily at mother, father and baby-in-pram. She lifted her face higher and asked her husband: "Kee korbe? Booker upor chaliye debe na kee?' (What'll the double-decker do? Drive over my breast, is it?) The husband was not waiting for an answer; with pram he scurried across while the regal step of the Bengali woman never faltered as she took her time.
Bengali women are the true martial race of Bengal. Thank God the British never found that out. They would have raised the 49th Bengal Tigresses and never been defeated by Gandhi." -- M.J. Akbar, Byline, Oct. 11, 1998.
So, this is my humble appeal to all Bong women out there taking part or looking to take part in reality shows: Mamoni-ra, it's not enough to go and win every song-based reality show that's on at the moment, you need to show the world that you are made of sterner stuff, that you are the true khatron ke khiladi, and not papa ke dulhari.
P.S. And this is a an appeal to you too Mamata-di. What are you doing abstaining from voting? Take a stand. Look how Mayawati-behenji is preparing for prime ministership. You too should think of doing something as daring, if nothing at least sign up for KKK.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Mumbai Indians?! What Does That Mean?!
The Mumbai Indian ad sucks! You can almost make out that the ad was the product of an afterthought - some Reliance Industries head honcho suddenly realizing "Arre, how come we don't have ad, yaar, like those bloody Knight Riders?" And then some junior executive must have made some frantic phone calls to the ad agency with the brief: make an ad with the 'Aamchi Mumbai' message at its core, but "finish it off fatafat, after all IPL shuru hone wala hai aur abhi tak ad nahi bana!" Result: Get together dabbawallahs, executives, tapori-types, throw in Hrithik Roshan and make them sing and dance to "duniya hila denge hum." One night to ideate, one more to shoot, some editing and voila we are ready to air! And Imagination can go take a hike! Also, whoever thought up the team name 'Mumbai Indians'?! Most probably, someone with a Chak De India hangover. So, let's follow Kabir Khan and call ourselves 'Indian Mumbaikars'. But no, that's not to be because the boss thinks 'Mumbai Indians' sound better!
The Royal Challengers ad is equally unimaginative with fielders diving, wickets rolling, batsmen scoring. We've seen those a hundred times, dude. If you can't think of anything at least get the Washington Redskins prancing around in pads, gloves and err... other protective gear. But for God's sake don't give me Dravid driving, Kumble spinning and the Team Huddling.
But, the one ad that takes the cake has to be the Deccan Chargers one, which has a bunch of bison charging and then morphing into the faces of the VVS Laxman, Shahid Afridi, Herschelle Gibbs, looking menacingly at you.
Guru, imagination lagao, Knight Riders jaisa ad banao!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Pyar Ka (Asli!) Funda
Such is the power of advertising. Madhavan and Vidya Balan coochie-coo in the latest AirTel ad; Balan tells lovesick Maddy to call her 50 times a day while on business trip; voiceover says AirTel has reduced roaming/STD rates, ensuring distances don't matter in love; very mushy, very touching; next ad has Maddy calling Balan for eighth time within few minutes to say 'good night'; refuses to hang up even after Balan lovingly rebukes him for being so sentimental; again very saccharine sweet. But then that's the power of advertising, because industry analysts point out that AirTel's move to lower STD rates has more to do with undercutting rivals than playing Cupid! I know it's not rocket science, but the amazing part is Advertisements' ability to spin a price war into a love match.
P.S. Maddy, I think, is amazing as the fool in love; his smile, his expressions are brilliant. While Balan, I feel like slapping because she's so irritating as the level-headed girlfriend/wife/mistress.
